


Early Mornings

by novemberj



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Fluff, M/M, just me writing my feels in the middle of the night, post-trk, self-indulgent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-19
Updated: 2016-05-19
Packaged: 2018-06-09 10:25:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 534
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6902101
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/novemberj/pseuds/novemberj
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Adam used to ask himself if he deserves this and he learns that yes, he deserves early mornings with Ronan's arms around him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Early Mornings

It’s a habit Adam thought he wouldn’t be able to break. In the beginning, he likened asking himself if he was worth it to blinking – natural and a must. You forego blinking for a few seconds longer than what’s necessary and you start tearing up. Adam forces himself to forget the question – _am I worth it do I deserve this am I worth it_ ¬– but soon enough, it niggles at the back of his mind until a litany of self-doubt and self-pity fills every space of his brain, occupying even the warm and reassuring crevices housing the words _you are you do you are._

 

 _"Parrish, you’re creeping me out,” Ronan barks out, the ends of his mouth almost cruel with the way they seem to mock not just Adam but every atom in the room. “Stop staring at me and sleep.”  
_  
_Adam just pointedly looks at Ronan, amused amidst the blanket of drowse slowly covering him.  
_  
_A scowl. “Parrish.”  
_  
_With a sigh, Adam closes his eyes and moves closer towards the dreamer. “Ronan, stop tracing my hands with your fingers and sleep, you hypocrite.”  
_  
_“Can you fucking stop kinkshaming me?”_

 

He would be lying if he says he doesn’t do it anymore. Adam thinks he can trace the question sometimes on the steering wheel of Ronan’s BMW or hear it in the breeze embracing the Barns or feel it in the calluses of Ronan’s fingers.  
  
The weeks after his hands curled around Ronan’s throat with aggression and fatal intent were especially brutal. Adam was always tired but he couldn’t seem to close his eyes and find rest, comforting himself of Ronan’s thereness by watching him live, by feeling Ronan’s arms around him. During those days, Adam admits he caught himself on the brink of tears from time to time because while he’s used to answering the question of whether he’s worth it or not (he’s slowly learning to answer this with a yes, God, yes), he refuses to find out just what _is_ there if Ronan ended up being a _was_.

 

 _The sole window of Ronan’s room is open and the wind the early morning brings tickle Adam into consciousness. He wakes up, the process feeling almost as slow as the unveiling of secrets long withheld, but unlike a few months ago, waking up truly means being alive and present now._  
_It doesn’t surprise him when he sees Ronan with his eyes open. The quick intake of Ronan’s breath – a sound of astounded pleasure that always hit Adam hard whenever he hears it – alerting him moments ago.  
_  
_“Opal wants breakfast,” Ronan greets.  
_  
_Adam stares at him hard and then brings his face forward, placing one, two, three kisses on Ronan’s neck._

 

Now, Adam knows he deserves this. He deserves Gansey and Blue and Henry and the memory of Noah. They deserve him. He deserves the Barns. He deserves Opal. He deserves happy moments and times without exhaustion dragging his body down. He deserved Cabeswater and now that it’s gone, he deserves what he has become because of it.  
  
And most of all, he deserves Ronan’s worship. He deserves early mornings filled with _“Parrish,” “Fuck you, Parrish”, “Parrish, I love you,”_ and _“Adam, Adam, Adam.”_

**Author's Note:**

> I'm so sleepy and I had an exhausting day but I remembered Pynch and my feelings overflowed. This fic is literally just me indulging my fried and uncontrollable brain.


End file.
